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Episode 01x30 - Tree Society

Malex:

We sat in what appeared to be a commons area on an exceptionally large branch of the exceptionally large tree. A fire was in the center of the elongated open space, and many natives were gathered. Some were engaged in primitive business, others danced around the fire, still others prepared food, and the young ones played games that involved running very fast and wrestling far more violently than their parents probably thought best. All in all, we were surrounded by a productive and thriving, if primitive, society.

This branch had grown wider as we walked along it, which indicated that we were nearing the trunk of the tree. Impressively, I still couldn’t see the trunk from where we were. Also, I noticed that the wood here seemed less brown than the wood near the shrine. It was almost as if this wood was more... dead.

I scanned the crowd, and noticed Echofly sitting and working with some of the natives as if she hadn’t a care in the world.

“Echofly!” I called. She came over and smiled. “Okay, so here you are. Never mind the fact that I asked you to stay at the office, and that this is probably quite dangerous.”

“Oh come on,” she said, “these are the most harmless little people I’ve ever seen!”

“Oh that’s not the point!” I said, frustrated. “We knew that Boof and Poo were missing, and there’s still no reason to assume that it’s safe! Personally, I don’t think I trust Robb and Bobb as far as I can punt them.”

She rolled her eyes and turned away.

I turned to Boof, “By the by, what in the world are you doing here?”

“What do you mean?” Boof asked. “We were supposed to be testing the new system.”

I grabbed a portion of whatever it was that the natives were eating and took a hesitant bite. It was unspeakably vile.

“I mean,” I continued, “why have you not returned to reality? We were sent here by Robb and Bobb to rescue you.”

“Oh that...” Boof trailed off.

“We can’t leave,” Poo said matter-of-factly. “The natives won’t let us.”

“The natives won’t let you,” I repeated dryly.

Boof continued for Poo, “The natives are deathly afraid of something, and won’t let us go.”

“I don’t know if you are smart enough to remember this bit,” I said sarcastically, “but this whole world doesn’t actually exist. These natives, cute and clever as they are, do not exist. The only reason we exist at all is because there haven’t been any real power outages yet back at the lab.”

Everyone looked at the ground solemnly.

Linus suddenly spoke up. “Hey Malex! I just healed my arm!”

I looked at him. Sure enough, his arm and hand were no longer jutting off at odd angles. I simply arched my eyebrow and waited for the explanation.

Linus shrugged. “I just, sorta, willed for it to happen, and it did.”

“Interesting,” I said thoughtfully. “As a program, you must have more influence over the system. I wonder...” I trailed off.

I sat for a few minutes, pondering the various aspects to the puzzle. What were the natives afraid of? What was the purpose of the shrine? Who was the face in the etchings on the walls of the shrine? Was the answer to the question of life, the universe, and everything really forty-two?

My thoughtful reverie was interrupted when one of the children ran up to me and looked at me with large serious eyes. He then handed me a dead bug, pointed at it, and said something in a juvenile version of the natives’ language. I looked at the dead bug in my hand. I looked at the child, who was still looking up at me very seriously. I smiled. The child giggled, turned, and ran laughing back to his companions.

“We need to go,” I said, standing up.

Everyone looked at me, and stopped whatever they were doing.

I smiled and cleared my throat. “Hi everybody. You don’t understand what I’m saying, so I’m not sure why I’m speaking at all.” All of the tiny natives stared, eyes riveted on me. “My friends and I do not belong here, so we’re leaving. So... uh... bye!”

I turned and started marching back toward the portal. The others got the hint and followed quickly behind.

The natives, still saying nothing, followed us - staring as if they wondered what we were going to do next.

Icepunk:

We cross the bridge and see the portal - the one that goes to the lab - in the shrine where we left it. As we approach the portal, the natives gather around us, nervously whispering to each other in their chirping tongue.

“Thanks for the dead bugs and your shining hospitality!” I wave at the natives and step into the shrine. The natives shriek in unison and swiftly run into the shrine, blocking our passage to the portal. Several of them point at the pictures on the walls and jabber in their native tongue. I peer at the images and realize that they’re pictures of Robb and Bobb!

“Everybody, look at this! This is a shrine to Robb and Bobb!” I say in amazement.

They enter cautiously and stare at the crude, yet unmistakable likeness.

“Hey, you’re right! It is them!” Linus says.

“They’re afraid of Robb and Bobb? The two people most responsible for their existence? Screwy natives... Let’s go.” Malex turns to go through the portal, trying to push through the crowd of natives. I shrug and follow, with Linus, Thubthub, and Echofly immediately behind. Boof and Poo glance at one another. Poo whimpers.

Just before we reach the portal, the natives pick us up and whisk us away.

“Hey! What the-” I say futilely as the natives carry us - seven or eight to each person, two for Thubthub - back to the village. “Stop it! What’s wrong with you guys?”

“I told you! I bloody TOLD YOU! They’re afraid of some kind of hideous evil!” The Cowardly Poo weeps loudly, “They’re gonna kill and eat us!”

“Well,” Linus begins thoughtfully, “can you really blame them? Just consider what they have to eat around here.”

Our strange procession reaches the village, but instead of stopping, we keep going until we come to a large cage made of branches tied together with vines.

“Oh, good,” I say. “They’re not going to eat us; they’re just going to imprison and starve us.”

“Or,” Malex says bitterly, “they’re going to leave us in the cage until breakfast, since we all just finished supper.”

“I have to admit,” Linus says, “that I rather enjoyed the sensation of eating. The barbecued insect was particularly interesting, and I think the mushrooms made me a bit high.”

“Eww, you liked the bugs?” Malex makes a face as the natives lift up the cage and shove us under it. Once we’re all underneath, they drop the cage, tie it down, chirp at us, and run away.

“Actually, the bugs weren’t half bad with some fungus dip squeezed on,” I say, smacking my lips.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Echofly whispers to Malex.

“Technically,” Linus said, “I said that I enjoyed the sensation of eating. The bug was quite possibly the nastiest thing ever. Even in my most bitter moods - imagining how terrible it must be for you humans to have to consume things that used to be alive - I never dreamed that it would taste so terrible.”

“It’s not usually that bad,” Malex says.

“I liked it!” I reassert. “If they do feed us again before killing us, they had better bring some more mushrooms and fungus dip!”

Everyone stares at me. Echofly pukes in the corner.