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Episode 01x27 - Back To Work

Malex:

Once everything had returned to normal - or at least as normal as was possible when there was a large quantity of sand in our apartment - we returned to the “Good Guys For Hire” office.

First thing we did was begin moving desks and furniture around in order to accommodate our new secretary.

“Oh yeah!” Echofly said, helping us rearrange everything. “I nearly forgot. The reason I came to your apartment was to tell you that Kobb called. He plans on coming to the office today to discuss the GameSloob.”

Icepunk and I looked at each other nervously.

“Did he sound... mad?” I asked timidly.

Echofly shrugged.

Icepunk turned on the radio as we got back to work. “In other news,” the announcer on the radio said, “the White House inexplicably disappeared earlier this morning, turning up later in the middle east. This event and recent others like it are considered by many to be the results of alien experimentation...”

I turned to Icepunk. “What exactly did you do with that transporter?”

Icepunk shrugged.

Suddenly a woman burst in the door. Hysterical, she ran to me and said, “Thank goodness I found you! My little boy, he’s gone missing, and nobody even remembers that he existed!”

“Uh, your little boy?” I asked.

“You know, my little boy! Sam! Surely YOU remember Sam?”

“Lady, I don’t even know you...”

“SEE?! It’s just as I said! NOBODY REMEMBERS!” she yelled, then ran screaming from the office.

We all shrugged.

Icepunk:

I shake my head and stick a paper cup under the water cooler’s spout. Crazy people really need to stop bothering us...

As I sip my water, the door opens. Kobb and two middle-aged, shrimpy, identical twin nerds wearing plaid pants, plaid shirts, and plaid shoes walk in, looking for all the world like a trio of circus clowns.

My cup somehow falls out of my hand onto the floor, but my hand is still posed as though I’m holding it. These skinny dudes must be Kobb’s brothers - the ones who created the GameSloob I wrecked.

The nerds have returned for vengeance.

“Say, Icepunk, I don’t believe you’ve met my brothers, Robb and Bobb,” Kobb says, gesturing to the nerds.

I fearfully shake their clammy hands. I better be nice to these guys. Who knows what sort of arcane powers they wield? “Nice to, um, meet you both.”

“Likewise,” the nerd sporting green and yellow plaid says.

Malex walks over. The nerd wearing red and blue plaid says, “You must be Malex. I’m Robb. This is Bobb. We designed and constructed the GameSloob prototype that you were hired about.”

Bobb interjects, “How much do we owe you?”

Malex and I exchange nervous glances.

“Well,” Malex tries to respond, “I suppose, for the job we did... Er, well, tried to do, you know...” He trails off.

“We were thinking of giving you a first customer discount!” I jump in.

Malex elbows me. “Of course!” he interjects. “Something in the range of ten percent off.”

Robb looks at Malex inquisitively. “Ten percent off of what?”

“Actually, we still have to calculate the exact amount...” Malex says nervously.

Malex:

“If you would allow me to confer with my associate,” I said to Robb and Bobb. To Kobb, I said, “If you would join us please?”

I noticed that Kobb was sweating profusely and wringing his hands.

“Did you even show them the letter?” I whispered to Kobb.

“No!” he gasped. “I don’t know what to do! How could you have ruined the GameSloob?!”

I looked pointedly at Icepunk. Kobb followed my gaze. Icepunk looked at both of us and responded defensively, “Hey! It was his fault,” pointing at me, “for leaving ME to lug fifty pounds of sharp corners down all those steps!”

“Oh it’s MY fault is it?!” I roared. “How would you like fifty pounds of sharp corners wedged up your gargantuan nose?!”

“Try it and you’ll join the GameSloob sailing through a window!”

Our little discussion was about to come to blows when Robb interrupted. “The GameSloob went out a window?”

Kobb - all three-hundred pounds of him - collapsed.

“Well,” I said, “if you want to get technical...”

“Thank you!” Bobb exclaimed joyously.

“We were terribly afraid that it would fall into a reverse-engineer’s hands.” Robb continued for his brother.

“If that had happened, our technology might have been stolen before it was ready for market.” Bobb took over again.

“But now that that old prototype is ruined, we can continue our work in peace!” Robb finished with a flourish.

“Sweet!” Icepunk exclaimed. “So, I’d say you owe us three grand or so.”

Icepunk:

The nerds pay the piper, or as many like to call him, Malex. I count the money and stuff it in a shoebox. Robb clears his throat and says, “We hear that you not only discovered the whereabouts of project ‘Chippy’, but that you also entered virtual reality, or ‘Happy Place’ as we like to call it.”

“Yup,” I say smugly. “We kicked butt! In fact, we’re thinking about starting a clan once the GameSloob hits the market - black or otherwise.”

Bobb pulls a pen out of his pocket protector and clicks it a couple of times while simultaneously making a notepad appear in his other hand. “Tell us about your experience.”

“I will regale you with what I have come to call, ‘The Legendary Journey of Four Idiots With Guns’,” I begin. “It was a dark and-”

“No, it wasn’t,” Malex interrupts sharply. “Also, try not to drag this out. We need to eat sometime this week.”

“Fine. Long story short, we found an ancient arsenal containing a variety of ballistic weaponry. The Vile Hordes attacked, and we slew a score of them before returning to reality.”

“Good. Very good,” Robb says, nodding to himself. “We have a situation with the current prototype of the GameSloob.”

“A situation,” Bobb continues for his brother, “that we would pay you quite well to help us remedy.”

“What exactly does this situation involve?” Malex queries.

Robb and Bobb look at each other and respond in unison. “We’d rather not say.” Creepy.

“We’ll take the job!” I say.