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Episode 01x24 - Sea Whirled

Icepunk:

I run over and kick the bunny a few times. “Gonna destroy our planet, huh?”

The squids drag the bunny into the ship away from my wrath. “Farewell, earthlings. Good luck stopping the Dumbbutt invasion.”

“What? But you can help us! Don’t leave!” Malex throws himself at the feet - or rather, tentacles - of the Squids and protests loudly.

I sigh and take him away. “Sorry guys. He’s been pretty angsty since this whole Dumbbutt thing came up. Actually, he’s been angsty ever since I met him.”

“Call us if you survive the Dumbbutts annihilating your world,” Darth_bunny says comfortingly. “We’ll be seeing you.”

Malex screams even louder. “No!”

Linus, the ever comforting artificial intelligence that he is, declares, “Shut up, wuss.”

Malex grabs Linus and runs up the invisible ramp into the ship. “You’ve got to be able to help us!”

I scratch my chin. “I guess I’ll come too. You do have a Z-Box on that ship, right? Without any sort of mindless entertainment I tend to get really twitchy and slap people.”

Malex:

I was not going to turn Earth over to the Dumbbutts without a fight. Unfortunately, being a rather powerless human, I really didn’t have many options other than rolling over and dying. Unless, of course, I were to enlist the aid of the Squids and their alien technology.

Grimly, determinedly, I grabbed a few essentials, including my laptop, and followed the Squids into their ship.

“Surely you’re not going to leave us humans to die?!” I called to MuffinsAreYummy. “There is little or nothing we can do with our current technology, so unless you help us, we’re done for.”

MuffinsAreYummy turned wearily and addressed me, “Malex, I appreciate your eagerness to save your planet from destruction. Indeed, I relate to it on a much deeper level than you could possibly understand.”

“Eh?” I asked.

“Sweet!” Icepunk, who had just entered the ship, exclaimed. “It’s, like, completely invisible until you cross this line!” Icepunk stood at the threshold and craned his ungainly neck to and fro in order to see the amazing effect multiple times.

MuffinsAreYummy rolls his beady eyes and continues, “What I mean is, we Squids are in no position to defend ourselves against the Dumbbutts, so how can we help you?”

My jaw dropped. “So wait. You’re telling me that you’re LOSING this war?! I thought all aliens had to be really powerful!”

“Oh, we are indeed powerful,” MuffinsAreYummy explained, “but as scientists, we were unprepared for the brute force that the Dumbbutts wielded.”

Icepunk was now dancing around underneath the threshold of the spaceship, calling down to Thubthub, “Come on! What are you scared of? The ramp may be invisible, but it’ll support your weight fine!” To demonstrate, he began jumping up and down.

I addressed MuffinsAreYummy, “Why are you speaking in the past tense? Surely this war isn’t over?”

“It might as well be over,” MuffinsAreYummy sighed. “Our planet, ‘Sea Whirled’, was destroyed in the initial onslaught. All that remain are a few colonies and battle-scarred ships. We may not be entirely eradicated, but we’re in no position to help anyone.”

I put my head in my hands and sighed. Things just couldn’t get any worse.

“Captain!” Darth_bunny screamed as he oozed around the corner. “The Dumbbutts are swooping down on our position! They are not answering our pleas for mercy either, so we have good reason to believe that the remainder of our existence could accurately be measured in minutes.”

Icepunk:

As the Dumbbutt threat looms, the Squids prepare the ship for takeoff while I try to convince King Thubthub to come aboard. “Thubthub, it’s fine!”

“Icepunk, I can’t. There’s nothing to walk on. How can I get up there?” Thubthub asks, whimpering ever so softly.

Sighing, I run down the ramp, grab Thubthub, and make a flying leap back into the ship. Malex stares, and queries, “What the heck was the flying leap for?”

“Coolness!” I reply, stating the obvious for poor dim-witted Malex’s benefit. “What did you think?”

The ship takes off silently and smoothly while Malex and I look out a window at all our furniture and stuff being left in the middle of the desert. Neither of us is happy about leaving all our stuff behind, but it’s better than being killed by Dumbbutts.

“Why did you guys have to take our stuff too?” I demand of the Squids. “You guys really suck, you know that?”

Taken aback, Shinycheeks exchanges glances with Darth_bunny and MuffinsAreYummy.

“Hey, we just saved your lives!” MuffinsAreYummy exclaims. “Don’t complain about a simple mistake like that. Besides, if you want to blame somebody, blame Darth_bunny for spilling taco meat into the transporter.”

“I told you that wasn’t me!” Darth_bunny exclaims.

“Dude,” I interject, “there’s taco sauce all over your, um, face.”

All of us, except the Squids, lose our footing and tumble to the deck as our ship is struck by a burst of energy.

“Battle stations!” MuffinsAreYummy declares urgently.

Malex:

By then, the ship was pitching and rolling quite erratically as it tried desperately, like a wounded animal, to escape its ruthless pursuers.

All of the Squids were working frantically to coax more speed and agility from their weary ship, while I and my companions simply stood and looked stupid in a quite redundant manner.

“Wait!” I called, a sudden thought striking me. “Can you transport me to the Dumbbutt ship?”

“Oh come on,” Icepunk ridiculed. “Have you never watched Space Quest?! The pointy-eared guy always said that you can’t transport through energy shields!”

MuffinsAreYummy somehow found time to roll his eyes and respond, “This isn’t science fiction!” Turning to me, he continued, “Why do you want to go there?”

“No time!” I shouted. “Just send me and Icepunk over! Send the others back to the surface! Do it quickly, before we all die in a fiery collision with large amounts of desert sand!”

MuffinsAreYummy nodded to Darth_bunny, who turned to another console and hit a few buttons.

“Wait!” I yelled. I ran over to Darth_bunny, grabbed one of his burritos and tossed it to Icepunk. “We’ll need that.”

“Why are you dragging me along?” Icepunk shouted as we disappeared. “I don’t want to get killed by a Dumbbutt! That would be humiliating!”

I suppose I had expected the transporting process to require some kind of “matter transmitting chamber” or something, but it turned out that they could transport anything from anywhere to anywhere, within certain limitations that I still am not clear on.

However it worked, Icepunk and I suddenly found ourselves in what was apparently the control area of another ship, surrounded by astonished Dumbbutts.