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Episode 01x21 - Sailing Through The Night

Malex:

We entered reality exactly as we had exited, except that there were now several mentally unendowed people standing over us.

I quickly stood, grabbed King Thubthub under my arm, and turned to Jubhead. “Thank you for inviting us to this wonderful party. Perhaps next time you could avoid stealing a prototype game console and threatening to drown a helpless hamster.” I patted Thubthub on his furry head and started for the door.

Predictably, the fools clustered between me and the door in a pathetic attempt to halt my progress. Having expected this all along, I simply executed a quick reverse and dove right out the window.

Icepunk:

“Holy crap, Malex just jumped out the window!” I yell in surprise.

Echofly rolls her eyes. “There’s a fire escape, dummy.”

“Oh good. Malex owes me two grand,” I reply.

I grab Echofly’s arm and begin dragging her out of the apartment. Jubhead and one of his buddies step in my way. In one swift move I beat the crap out of them.

“Let’s go,” I say to Echofly, who stares in amazement at the druggies I decked.

Malex:

My little diving stunt had thrown us from the frying pan into the fire. I had actually thrown myself too far, and had missed the fire escape completely. I was now dangling from the railing with one hand, and was barely holding on to a wailing Thubthub with the other.

Normally I would have been able to pull myself up and climb down safely, but the hamster dangling from one of my hands cut my lifting ability in half.

“Quick!” said I to the hamster. “Climb up my back and onto the fire escape!”

“Squeak?!” was the unintelligible response.

“Crap! I’m talking to a hamster!” At this point, I did possibly the stupidest thing in my adult life and smacked myself in the forehead.

Now, the audience may wish to understand how I managed to smack my forehead when both of my hands were occupied with the task of keeping both myself and my friend’s hamster alive. Perhaps if I had asked this same question beforehand, I might not have let go of the railing and sent both of us falling to our dooms.

We did not, however, actually die. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it was the amazing velocity at which I smacked myself. Whatever the cause, we managed to land in an awning across the street.

We reached the ground without dying, so I ran - and my friend’s hamster scurried - to the car to prepare for our getaway.

Icepunk:

I run down several flights of stairs before realizing that we have forgotten the GameSloob. “Find our car!” I tell Echofly. “I’ll be right back!”

“Wait!” Echofly exclaims. “I don’t know what your car looks like!”

“It’s old and beat up. You can’t miss it,” I say reassuringly.

I return to the apartment and find Jubhead and his buddies recovering from the pounding I gave them. They’re in no condition to argue or even speak coherently, so I unplug the GameSloob, give each of them parting kicks, and leave the apartment yet again.

“Oof! This thing is freaking heavy!” Instead of carrying the two-hundred pound GameSloob all the way downstairs and out into the parking lot, I decide to save time and toss the thing out the window. With a mighty heave, the GameSloob disappears into the night.

Malex:

I sat in the car with Thubthub, who was standing at the ready with a handgun that Icepunk had apparently stashed in my car. He was standing on the passenger seat, hanging halfway out the window, scanning the parking lot for any evil to dispatch. I must admit, I was starting to warm up to the rodent, even if I couldn’t understand a word he squeaked.

Suddenly he started jumping, squeaking, and pointing. I looked, and saw Echofly wandering around the parking lot, apparently looking for the car.

“Where’s Icepunk and the GameSloob?” I wondered aloud.

I stepped out of the car and waved to Echofly. She turned, saw me, and started toward the car. Then time slowed, and I heard the shattering of glass over my head.

I looked up and noticed the GameSloob sailing majestically over our heads.

“ECHOFLY! LOOK OUT!” I called. This only caused her to stop and look up, which was decidedly not going to keep her from being killed by the flying hunk of expensive electronics. I took the only action I knew to take and pushed her out of the way, just barely slipping out from under the GameSloob as it became little more than a demolished wreck on the pavement.

I slowly recovered, stood up, and helped Echofly to her feet. Just then, Icepunk emerged from the building. “Ta da!”

I looked from Icepunk to the ruined GameSloob and back. “You’d better have a reason for destroying that thing that involves explosives or blood, because if you don’t, I’m gonna manufacture one.”