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Episode 01x16 - Lederhosen

Malex:

Hi guys. Yes, I’m talking to you, the audience. No, this is not a regular episode. Icepunk and I have decided to do something quite different for this episode, and give you all a behind-the-scenes look at the process that we use to write this stuff.

Behind the scenes:

Just recently, during one of their writing sessions, Icepunk and Malex had a conversation with one of their friends on the Internet. This conversation may be a perfect example of the insanity that results in the episodes that you’ve seen so far.

This conversation actually took place, although large chunks of it have been censored for your protection.

***Malex enters room.

***Phoobar joins the conversation.

Malex: Hey.

Malex: I’m at a free wireless internet hot spot in town, and I’m uploading all of the music that I’m about to (re)release.

Malex: I feel really sorry for the network administrator. :-P

Phoobar: lol

Malex: ...all they see is 350 MB of encrypted traffic.

Phoobar: LOL

Malex: Hold on, I’ll be right back...

***Icepunk joins the conversation.

Icepunk: Hi!

Phoobar: Hi.

Icepunk: I drew a picture of Malex in a *CENSORED*! :-D

Phoobar: Haha

Icepunk: Isn’t it great?

Malex: I’m back. Free refills rock.

Malex: What the...

***Malex yanks out the tazer.

Malex: BAD ICEPUNK! BAD!

Malex: The little dickens, never know what he’s gonna do next.

Phoobar: Haha

Icepunk: AGONY!

Malex: Yes Ice, feel the pain...

Phoobar: Ha

Malex: We’re supposedly working on a new episode.

Malex: Except all we’ve done is insult each other for about 45 minutes so far...

Phoobar: Nice.

Icepunk: Matt is one of my aliases! I use it for illegal stuff like stealing Canadian landmarks!

Phoobar: Ah...

Phoobar: Right...

Icepunk: ...and selling beer to impressionable kitties...

Phoobar: That makes perfect sense.

***Malex rolls eyes.

Malex: And you’re explaining this to Phoobar... why?

Icepunk: Oh. Sorry Phoobar, it was great meeting you but I have to kill you now.

***Malex tazes Ice a few more times for good measure.

Malex: IM is a great medium for silencing adversaries...

Phoobar: Have you ever wondered how the heck that works?

Phoobar: What are you gonna do?

Icepunk: Okay, as soon as my hair stops smoldering, I’ll figure out a way to stab someone in the face over the internet.

Phoobar: Hypnotize me and make me eat raw liver?

Icepunk: Hey, not a bad idea!

***Icepunk starts talking in a hypnotic voice: YOU LIKE LIVER... RAW.

Icepunk: As for Malex, he likes...

Malex: KEEP ME OUT OF THIS YOU SICK TWISTED FREAK!

Phoobar: Ah, raw liver.

Malex: Must run, can’t stay for details. Got to maintain plausible deniability and all of that you know.

Icepunk: No, it’s too late for that I’m sure. You’ve heard too much!

Phoobar: Now I’m craving raw lederhosen...

Malex: Lord preserve us.

Icepunk: Lederhosen? Is that German pantyhose?

Phoobar: I think so.

***Malex weeps

Phoobar: Okay, I think I need to get going.

Phoobar: Mom is making strange comments when she comes into the room.

Phoobar: She just said that my fingers are gonna fall off.

Malex: Ha.

Phoobar: Is that some kind of curse?

Malex: That’s classic.

Phoobar: Did she just doom my fingers to fall off?

Malex: “Well, I’d love to continue working for you Mr. Smithenhouser, but I can’t program anymore - my fingers are about to fall off.”

Phoobar: lol

Malex: Just think of the unholy consequences.

Phoobar: Hmm...

Malex: You wouldn’t be able to slice bread anymore!

Icepunk: Or slap random people in the face!

Phoobar: Wow, that would stink.

Malex: No, slapping just isn’t the same without fingers.

Phoobar: Do you think I’d keep my thumbs?

Malex: Dunno.

Phoobar: I’d be all thumbs then... Interesting.

Malex: Say, Icepunk’s thumb really is about to fall off...

Phoobar: Typing with your thumbs sure is difficult...

Icepunk: Yeah, my thumb’s got stains on it from practicing *CENSORED* without a license.

Phoobar: ?!

Malex: BAD ICEPUNK! BAD!

Phoobar: I’ve really gotta go before mum sees that...

***Malex TAZE

Phoobar: lol

Malex: Ok, bye.

Icepunk: Bye.

Phoobar: Later Malex and Iced-retard.

Icepunk: ...I also didn’t wear gloves...

***Phoobar has gone away.

Malex: Okay! That was... interesting. I’ll be back in a minute...

...

***Phoobar comes back and TAZES ICE

Phoobar: MWA HA HA!

Icepunk: Ouch!

***Phoobar gives ice a mysterious box.

***Icepunk screams in mortal pain but takes the box, hoping it’s the “Junior Dweeb Chemistry Set”.

Phoobar: No, no chemistry set. It’s just a pack of crazed, flesh-consuming weasels.

***Icepunk whimpers as he is devoured.

***Icepunk comes back from the grave and haunts Phoobar. I know where you live!

Phoobar: RESPAWN!

Icepunk: Yay!

Phoobar: Righto... I really gotta go.

Icepunk: See you in your dreams! **Manic Laughter**

Phoobar: Hmm.

Phoobar: I’m feeling... deeply disturbed.

Icepunk: Seriously? Cuz that’s good.

Phoobar: Not really.

Icepunk: On a level from 1-10, how disturbed are you?

Phoobar: I’m about flat lining.

Icepunk: ‘1’ being scared, and ‘10’ being wetting your pants, then wetting someone else’s pants.

Phoobar: 0.1

Icepunk: Thanks... I’ll try harder.

Phoobar: Good. You do that.

Phoobar: Bye.

***Phoobar leaves.

Icepunk: See ya.

...

Icepunk: I LOVE PICKLES!

Phoobar: Am I in Hell?

Icepunk: YES!

Phoobar: Is that why you’re not going away?

Phoobar: Is that why you CONTINUE to TORMENT ME?!

***Phoobar TAZES ICEPUNK

Icepunk: Ouch!

***Icepunk slaps Phoobar.

***Phoobar leaves in disgust.

Malex: I’m back.

Malex: Hey Icepunk, anything interesting happen while I was gone?

Icepunk: ...

Malex: Oh. Never mind.

Icepunk:

Quick note: I have this theory that “lederhosen” is indeed what Europeans call pantyhose. In which case, Phoobar craves the somewhat starchy delicacy of raw pantyhose.

Malex:

Ahem. Lederhosen: Leather shorts, often with suspenders, worn by men and boys, especially in Bavaria.

Okay, enough with the intelligent commentary. See you all next week!